August 17, 2003 22:51 | Stories

Cruise control


I really wanted to get home. I set my cruise control at 150km/h and cruised. Bloody Ontario drivers who never learnt that 1- the left lane is for passing and 2- when the guy behind you is coming at you at 150 and flashing his highbeams, you best haul ass into the right lane.

At this speed I make sure to be fully aware of a couple of things: all cars ahead and behind me and any possible spots the Highway Patrol may be lurking.

I let my guard down for 10 seconds. I had just pulled out of the rest area/gas station, putting away the wrapper of the candy bar I had just inhaled and was settling into my cruise controlled ride. Check the rearview mirror; damn. Damn damn damn.

Anyone who's driven down the 401 between Montreal and Toronto has seen the big signs which tell you exactly how much the fines are for speeding. They stop listing at 140km/h: $295CND.


- "Buddy do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?"
- "Holy shit man... erm.. no?"
- "I clocked ya at 148! Where in god's name were you going at that speed!?"
- "Oh man! I... I'm heading home to Montreal..."
- "Where you coming from?"
- "I just spent the weekend in Toronto.. I just reeeaally want to get home.. I didn't realise... Man I am SO sorry..."
- "Papers please... I'll be right back..."

Hoooooo nelly. Dozens of slomos I'd passed 20 minutes ago zip by, presumably laughing at me. Sigh. "You gotta pay to play" I thought to myself. This is gonna hurt.

- "I dropped you down to 120... fer chrissakes slowdown buddy... drive safe."
- "... thank you! I will!"

$130 ticket. Phew.

I was damn lucky. I behaved till I crossed back into Quebec. SQ don't patrol the highways so much around them parts.

*Click* cruise control.


So let me get this straight: if the cop had charged you the full ticket price, would you have slowed down?

I thought this kind of discount was only given to very pretty girls with a lot of cleavage ;-)

2- Boris Anthony

My friend Soli has a saying for this kind of thing: "opportunity cost of extremism". A four hundred dollar speeding ticket would certainly have hurt and would have cost me, for example, the opportunity of going to NYC next month, or a few nice dinners, etc... As I said, "pay to play".

As for the "discount": never understimate the power of being honest, polite and humble. ;)

Don't underestimate Bo's cleavage...